i wish there were pregnant emoticons
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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