I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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