god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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