she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and she was petting her beer can
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
