Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
