I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
