I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
