so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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