i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
