Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You are a genius and a whore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
