arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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