I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
