I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
