420 ftw
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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