we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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