I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
