I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
