That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
