Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
