I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
