At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
