we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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