I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
