Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
