First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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