I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
