She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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