plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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