Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
