Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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