I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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