Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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