She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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