dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
