we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
God I need to hump something, right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
