Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
