my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
