Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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