Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.