I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room