Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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