I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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