I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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