He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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