Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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