the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am available for nakedness
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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