dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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