You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
