Where did you get a picture of my penis
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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