winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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