i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
