People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
