Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are a genius and a whore.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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