I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
