drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
