C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize