There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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