We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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