it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
