So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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