Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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