Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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