wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Small penises have feelings too.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
