Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
